Ever looked around at your life, kids grown, career shifting, faith evolving … and quietly wondered, “Wait… who even am I anymore?”
You’re not alone.
When the roles shift and the noise quiets, so many women find themselves asking this same question.
The truth is, identity isn’t something you find.
It’s something you create with intention, love, and honesty.
And the best news? You can start today.
Your Identity Is Shaping Your Reality
Whether you’re conscious of it or not, your identity is shaping your reality.
It affects what you believe you’re capable of, how you respond to challenges, and even how you treat yourself on a hard day.
Most of us didn’t consciously choose our identities.
We absorbed them, like a sponge, from our childhood, our parents, the town we grew up in, careers, religion, school, relationships, and society.
We learned who we were “supposed” to be:
The nurturing mom
The perfect wife
The dependable friend
The spiritual woman who never doubts
But here’s the truth:
Your identity is not what happened to you. It’s who you decide to be now.
And you get to decide what stays, what goes, and what becomes possible.
Identity Isn’t What Happens to You—It’s Who You Decide to Be
Life transitions often trigger what we think is a breakdown, but it’s actually a powerful breakthrough.
Think about it:
Your last child leaves home.
You retire after years of caregiving or working.
Your faith shifts or deepens in a way that surprises you.
You lose a spouse, or move, or let go of a role that once defined you.
You might think, “I don’t know who I am anymore.”
But what’s actually happening is this:
Your soul is whispering, “It’s time to remember who you are and who you want to become.”
Who Are You… Really?
And because identity is a story, you can rewrite it.
You can keep what feels aligned.
You can release what doesn’t serve you.
You can become someone even more authentic, grounded, and true.
Here’s what’s always been true about you:
You are inherently valuable.
You are deeply loved.
You are a child of Divine Heavenly Parents who see your worth even when you forget it.
Just like a $100 bill doesn’t lose its value when it’s worn or passed around, neither do you.
You were born with worth. Nothing you do or don’t do can change that.
When you root your identity in that divine love, everything else shifts.
Identity Work in Real Life
Let’s talk about the real-life moments that shake us:
A child leaves for college or struggles with addiction.
You retire or move to a new city.
You lose a spouse or a friendship.
You start reading scriptures with new eyes and wonder what you believe.
These moments can feel like unraveling. But what if they’re actually an invitation?
An invitation to ask:
Who do I want to be now?
What identity do I want to step into, especially when life gets hard?
Here’s the truth: your identity is never “set.”
It’s always evolving. And because it’s made up, it’s yours to keep, edit, rebuild, or discard.
You get to keep the parts that feel aligned.
You get to release what no longer fits.
And you get to build something truer, stronger, and more you.
Past You, Present You, Future You
One of the most powerful identity tools I teach my clients is this:
You are in relationship with three versions of yourself:
Past You – She did the best she could with what she knew. She also created so many beautiful things.
Present You – She’s doing the work now. She’s trying. She’s showing up.
Future You – She’s counting on you to take care of her. To dream for her. To speak up for her.
You don’t need to hate Past You.
You don’t need to shame Present You.
And you don’t need to fear Future You.
All three are part of your identity.
All three are worthy of love.
People-Pleasing and Perfectionism: Identity Thieves in Disguise
One of the sneakiest traps in identity work is people-pleasing and perfectionism.
People-pleasing People-pleasing is pretending to be someone else so others will like you.
You lie (nicely), you agree (to keep peace), you shrink (to avoid judgment).
But people-pleasing is not love. It’s manipulation and pretending.
And worst of all, it disconnects you from yourself.
Perfectionism trying to earn love through performance.
You hustle to appear amazing so no one sees your flaws.
But the truth? Flaws are part of being human. And people connect to real, not perfect.
Both habits are exhausting.
And they don’t work.
Because what your soul truly wants is this: To be loved as you.
But here’s the truth:
Real connection can only happen when you’re real.
And true belonging begins when you belong to yourself.
Who are You ... Really?
At your core, beneath all the layers is something unchangeable: love.
You are love.
You were created by love.
You were sent here by Divine Heavenly Parents, who love you with infinite compassion.
When you root your identity in that divine love, everything else shifts.
Confidence sounds like:
“I’m good and I’m also a hot mess sometimes.”
Humility sounds like:
“The most amazing parts of me come from something greater than me.”
You can still be confident even when you’re a mess.
You can feel humility without collapsing into shame.
You can embrace your weaknesses without thinking you’re broken.
Shame whispers, “I’m bad.”
Blame shouts, “You’re bad.”
Love says, “You’re already enough. Let’s grow anyway.”
So … Who Do You Want to Be?
What if you chose your identity with intention?
Not based on what others expect but based on who you truly are.
You are not stuck.
You are not too old, too far gone, or too broken.
Your identity is available to be rewritten.
All it takes: choose love over fear, truth over pretending, growth over shame.
Ready to Become the Next Version of You?
I’m a life coach who helps women redefine who they are with clarity, confidence, and love.
I’ll help you connect with the truth of who you are, release what’s holding you back, and step boldly into the next chapter of your life.
If you’re ready to create a life that reflects your values, your faith, and your truest self, coaching is the next step.
Let’s do this work together. You were never meant to do it alone.
Click here to schedule your first coaching session.
Another key to a fulfilling life is gratitude. Grab a gratitude journal and start rewriting your story. Your future self is already thanking you.
